Today has been a...

Today has been almost a total waste.. maybe I'll take a nap.

I decided...

I decided to put on a hat this morning because I discovered I still have, underneath my hair, a BRIGHT GREEN SCALP. Guess I need to shampoo a little longer. Won't worry about it til Wednesday though, since I might dress up again tommorow night if I find a Halloween party.

More strang...

More strange dreams... altho Iguess dreams are my definition strange. First, a sort of Dark City type dream, where I see people donig regular everyday stuff, then one starts to get suspicious, like he' snot doing what he's really supposed to be doing. Then *flash* some other guy who is mentally controlling the situtaion resets everyone's brain so they don't remember anything, and gives them new roles. Then a dream where I am protecting (despite my relative scrawniness) some woman from some nasty guy with an ax. I escape down the fire escape of an apartment building and run into a police station where he kills a policeman. I shout "officer down, officer down". Then I awaken.

Among other ...

Among other things, I had another high school anxiety dream, and I also got this vision of being in a romatnic reletionship. The guy had blonde hair and funky black glasses, and his name was Chirs (Christian?). I might have missed the deli this morning but for day lights savings. Still havent changed my clocks except for my car - but my computer updates itslef automatically. Went with Marie to Walmart just to get myself out of the house. There were some snowflakes falling, although nothing that stuck. What happened to the late Octobers of my youth which were relatively warm (warm enough to walk around at night with light sotumes and no coats)? I had some fries at Walmart, and bought some juice at Stop N Shop for the potluck Samhain. I ate some leftover Chinese before I left so that I wouldn't have to rely on there being food I could eat. I left at 5:30, but spaced out and forgot to turn onto the Sagitos so I was late (altho still in time for the ritual). Me and Donna were both allergic to something in the room. The ritual was downstairs like at the last coven care. I guess the coven is just too big to meet upstairs anymore. The upstairs did get used as a smoking lounge. Ducky was very glad that I showed up, saying had I not I would have gotten deshelled. I don't know what that means but it sounds painful. Amy with her blonde hair (altho long) and black glasses reminded me a little of Chris from my dream. SHe cleansed and called the cirlcle then guided us through a meditation to meet dead people or other benign entities through the thinning veil. We took a sort of elevator up through the chakras. The heart's green was mixed with pink which trew me off a little. I didn't see any dead people (and my head.pain made concentrating and visualization difficult) but I did get this strong blast of a vision. I saw a soret of wish bone shape which manifested in different ways - different things that all took the shape. A quater section of the earth's interior, a vagina, a wishbone, a woman's hair with a headband, etc. One of the cats was freaking out, fighting with another cat, and climbing all the way up the screen door. Afterwards, I asked Ducky to give me a Tarot reading with his nifty new Halloween deck. My present was a reversed 5 of cups - possibly my ignoring my problems. Then the hanged man - mulling things over. Temperance, my need to be patient and methodical. Heirophant for what I have to work with. DUcky said this was an authority figure - I should see a doctor. The past : 8 of wands. Something bad, I forget exactly, but in the past. Reversed empress - I am not being nurtured. Reversed strength (my fears). Reversed 4 of cups - acceptance of help from others. The final card is usually celebration but was reversed. But that can be changed if I take care of the situation. Francis expressed concern over my health and have me some affirmations. Amy said she would light a candle for me. Mark said I keep getting more and more beautiful. Sometimes I think this might be some sort of Dorian Gray thing, where the worse I feel inside, the better I look on the outside. Ducky liked my new mod hairdo. He thought I looked like Liam (pr is it Noel) Gallagher from Oasis. DUcky made these really cool cookies and also had everyone sign his petition against the 6 flags mock witch burning. S'all for now...

I sa...

I saw "The Contender" with my Mom and Momma today. I didn't think it would have a happy ending but it did. Then we went to Friendly's. Had a very cute waiter guy "Steven W". THere seems to be this trend of cute boys in the service industry. For some reason I felt especially lonely today. I know I probably won't find someone until I don't want someone, but I can't help it. Reid IMd me today looking for sex. But that''s not the kind of attention I seek. Where oh where is Sparrow? Then I watched Earth Final Conflict (not such a great show anymore), parts of Edward Scissorhands (a classic), Xena (the beginning was really bad, but it got pretty good, alth oI missed the end because I was toalking on the phone to Mary Ellen... I sort of told her abou;t the naughty video with the lookalike of Mike. I don't think she appreciated it.) and Voyager...Tommorow is the big Samhain celebration. Saw Ducky at Blockbuster (where the loiterers laughed at my alien cowboy costume in en Espa?ol) last night and assured him I would be at the ritual. Too bad its a serious ritual and *not* a costume party. Hopefully Tuesday I will find some occasion for whic to dress up. At least Buffy is a repeat...

Well the party las...

Well the party last night was a total bust - we showed up and Anna was having a fight with Micahel and refused to come if Michael was gonna be there. THe host was going to cancel the party if Anna didn't bring all her girlfriends. More details to come. Dreams last night... In the mall and get semi kidnapped with some guy as a hostage whole he robs a bank in the mall. I slip out just before he shows his gun, and make headway towards Marie and Elana and rush them on to the car. There I explain what happened. Then we are sneaking into people's houses at the Chandler estate, except in e dream they aren't disheveled and run down and abandoned. Then I am very stressed because I living back at home and going to school, what seems to be high school (Mrs. Buchwalderteaching me math?), and diong very poorly. I seem to have enough money though, from some kind of part time job. Then Inside the dream I semi wake up and realize I still live here.

The DMV...

The DMV is insane. Last year I let my auto insurance laspse for two weeks and they suspended my license (12/20/00). I sent them proof of current insurance twice but they ignored it. So I've been driving around with valid insurance but a suspended license for a year.So last month my auto insurance came up for renewal and I renewed it. Today I get two identical notices from the DMV saying my license has been restored do to acceptable proof of current insurance. DMV is insane!

I went t...

I went to bed last night without doing any work. I read some of my new book "When Things Start to Think." Lots of cool ideas in there. Apparently the Yankees won the World Series. I was expecting Jordan the deli boy to be really cranky this morning but he wasn't at work. I was in mega IM land last night. John Esposito tried out the talk function of IM and it worked, albeit only one way since I don't have a microphone. Then we chatted on the real phone for awhile. He might stop by for Buffy some night. Anyway, I got an email from another potential client. Just finished the last job for Bon today. Now I must clena my room and get ready for tonight's festivities!

Random quote fr...

Random quote from a person who shall not be named: "It was always supposed to taste like vanilla milkshake, but it never did." (from Wednesday)

More dreams - ...

More dreams - at mom's house and I circle around the back and into an open door that leads to the kitchen. The house is bascially their current house but the kitchen is right off the garage, which has a back entrance i the dream. Lowell is making vreakfast. He burned one thing of muffins but there is another. The floor is slippery and there is another stove in a weird place. For some reason I hug Lowell. It feels almost like I am in the video game The Sims, and someone has clicked on me and told me to hug him. This doesn't solve everything but it seems to be an important part of the healing process.There are two clocks - one says 4am and one says 9 or 10. I have to go to school soon but I don't worry about it. The most important thing is taking care of my body, which means not stressing it out. Everything else can be cut some slack. The nI am at some sort of amusement park. I climb over this thing on which people are selling things. THen I see an older version of one of Walter's kids, Taylor, who in my dream is now a little boy instead of a girl. There is another guy with sunglasses following me around.

Lots of weird dr...

Lots of weird dreams. Going to a psychiatrist in some run down shack like building that in the dream I've visted with Elana. Keep trying to use the bathroom but people come in - George from Arista and someone else - Michael? Then I life up the seat and there's pee all over it. In retrospect, this part of the dream was caused by my body's fight between two instinctive urges: needing to pee in real life, and not wanting to piss the bed. I seemed to have an appointment after my mom. She was very sad. Then I was outside taking some sort of elevator thing which I called a conveyor with Elana. It was more like a big platform that went down one level and rotated 90 degrees. On my first attempt to get on, I nearly got stuck between the side and the roof. Luckilly it had some sort of safety device. Then I was back inside the building seeing my mom as a late teenaged girl on hippie tie dye bed sheets, all happy, and simultaneously seeing her unhappy side. I had to explain this to cool teenagers as me being normally happy go lucky but having some sort of access or tunnel in my head which led to a dark place. Obviously a reference to the pain in my head that leads to most of my negative thoughts. Then I had frightening thoughts about an imaginary scene from a horror movie about a kid being tortured by insanity. He was trapped inside a box that was a representation of a padded cell. All you could see was his hands trying to get out of the box through the fabric, and the box being put together of different wooden slats with padding and freaky insane hands coming out of the top of each slat. My psychiatrist tried to get our meeting started but I'm not sure if it ever did. This couple came in on their robotic horse which I was drawing and had some sort of precedence over me. That's all I remember for now.

Just got off th...

Just got off the phone with Connie...My Moses rendering is still at 29%. And my amazon.com order has just arrived - "When Things Start to Think" by Neil Gershenfeld. Ealrier I asked Kate if she would call the Kentucky printer and Nightlife to compare prices and turnaround time. In return I will redesign her business card. But I have to find where I wrote down the number for Nightlife. Anyway back to rendering....

I decided to d...

I decided to do the other side of the business card the easy way, but the client still liked it. My main cilent just called. He had Frank do the Halloween pass. He wants me to do a 3D Moses type thing with parting water for a 'miracle' pass...

This entry is ...

This entry is being written solely topiss off Adam, who instead of dressing up like a Mexican Dinner Table, decided *not* to spend Halloween with his favorite turtle.

Last night I dr...

Last night I dreamed that I went back to yoga class and nobody wanted me to be there. Today is Kate's wedding anniversary with Jeff. He'll be out of the military in 5 years so hopefully she won't ever have to move away. The deli boy made some conversation this morning but seemed crankier. Maybe because the Yankees won. I think I'll be rooting for the Mets just so I have better flirting time with Jordan... I'm almost done with breakfast. Not sure if I should finish the other side of the business card I'm supposed to design, or clean up my room. Still can;t get in touch with my main client about tonight's work.

I guess this is my first entry. Today I accomplished little but reaped some of the rewards of earlier ventures. THe rest of my Halloween costume is finally assembled. At least the various pieces are all in one place. I have to put it all together Friday night. The rest of my stuff arrived today in the mail. I got my usual two double scrambleds from the local deli and continued my flirtation attempts with the cute deli boy Jordan. I asked him about his sanskrit tattoo on his right arm. He said it means 'to be at peace with oneself." It was done my an amateur and he is getting a touch up this weekend. After breakfast I took a nap. Perhaps I am coming down with something. THen I took my Mom to Borders. I got a science mag and the new Maddona CD for Anna's birthday party. I flirted with the cute Border's guy I like. Stopped at the comic store and Party Central and then had dinner at Friendly's. THe one by my house is closed now. THere is a long string of closed fast food joints all along route 112. KFC, Pizza Hut, and now Friendly's. All that's left is Carvel. GOt home just in time for Dawon's Creek and Felicity. Didn't bother to work on the other side of the business card I'm supposed to be designing. Apparently missed many phone calls from Connie. Had great fun with my new bubble guns. Falling asleep. End transmission...